Spiritual Psychology and Codependency
11/2019
David Stearns
What is spiritual psychology? Spiritual psychology is rooted in the belief that by turning your life over to a higher power, God, Universal Spirit, or whatever you perceive to be the cause behind life and the universe, that you will be able to face life’s challenges and prevail. On a practical level this means that you acknowledge a higher power, and try to follow the Golden Rule. Everyone has a different spiritual practice. For some it is prayer, for some meditation, for some it is good works, for some it is nature, for some it may be a combination of these, or something different. For me it is to respect life or God, respect others, and to respect myself. When the Pharisees asked Jesus, “What is the law?” He replied simply, “Love God, and love your neighbor as yourself.”
Where did spiritual psychology come from? - Carl Jung - “Is there no hope for me at all, Doctor?” This was a question from a man who had relapsed into another round of drinking after many attempts to stop. The doctor was Carl Jung, a psychologist practicing in Switzerland in the early 1930’s. The patient was Roland Hazard, who Dr. Jung referred to the Oxford Group, a Christian self help organization, and their six step program. Roland H. followed the teachings of the Oxford Group, became sober, and helped several other men become sober. Two of these other men, Dr. Robert S. And Bill Wilson went on to found Alcoholics Anonymous and their twelve step program. The 12 step recovery program has been applied to many forms of addiction successfully all over the world. (Unity Magazine, July, 1992)
Codependency - Simply stated codependency is a view of human nature that is based on spiritual psychology. A (Google )dictionary definition is: Excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction. [There is not widespread agreement on what the term “codependency” means. A plain way of thinking about it, is putting all your eggs in one basket]]
Some characteristics of a codependent person:
Controlling behavior
Caretaking
Judgementalism
Perfectionism
People pleasing
Relying on one person or one activity or pursuit exclusively for purpose or fulfillment
Alcohol and/or drug dependence
[Suggested reading offers more characteristics]
Psychology community view on spiritual psychology
Wikipedia: “Despite its popularity and effectiveness, spiritual psychology is still not recognized by the American Psychological Association. It does, however, have a division for the psychology of religion and spirituality, which is more focused on understanding the impact that these elements have on a person.”
The discipline of psychology itself, did not receive widespread acceptance until the mid 20th century. It was looked down upon by the more physical sciences. I have been told that this is why the psychology professional organizations are reluctant to recognize spiritual psychology, despite its successful record in helping people psychologically.
My experience
My parents were good, honest, decent, caring, hard working people who did their best to raise their children to be the same. In most ways, they succeeded. However, they had many characteristics of codependency, which they passed on to me and my siblings. I always felt like in the back of my mind, that there was something missing or off kilter in my life, and when I got into counseling at the age of 41, I was exposed to the concepts of codependency. It was like the light bulb coming on. When I examined my past in a new light, it suddenly made sense. My relationships with women rarely lasted more than a year, usually because they left me. I am happy to say that I have been married to my wife, Karen, for over 25 years, though I have to give much of the credit to her for putting up with me. Understanding codependence and spiritual psychology turned my life around.I took several psychology classes in college when I was in my teens and 20’s, and spiritual psychology was never mentioned. I think it was and is wrong for the psychology community to withhold an effective means of treatment to protect their own image. I spent 20 unhappy and turbulent years for not being exposed to spiritual psychology. Maybe it’s not for everyone, but it helped me move forward to a happier, more productive life.
My views
Spiritual psychology and codependency are only one way to look at human behavior. For me, it is a very effective way to look at myself, and manage my thoughts, speech, and actions. Some people may be able to go through life naturally, being a good person by nature. I have a devil on my left shoulder and an angel on my right shoulder (Snuffy Smith) and I try very hard to listen to my angel. This is my lot in life, and I pray “Forgive me my sins, as I forgive those who sin against me.” On a side note, forgiving others became much easier for me when I realized it was in my own best interest. Think about it.
Parting Thoughts
If you have recurring patterns in your life that do not make you happy, maybe you should look at your behavior. Spiritual psychology and the concept of codependency may offer you a window to look at yourself from and improve your life. A counselor who is trained in spiritual psychology can be a help.
Suggested Reading
Recovery from Rescuing, by Jacqueline Castine
When Society Becomes an Addict, by Anne Wilson Schaef
The Mature Mind, by Harry Overstreet
Changing for Good, James Prochaska
The 12 Steps, a Way Out, Recovery Publications
If there is time: Discussion
David Stearns was a Red Cross Instructor (First Aid, CPR, AED, Lifeguard Training, Water Safety/Swimming) for 30 years. He has also taught classes and given presentations for subjects as diverse as health and fitness, ocean safety, ocean lifeguarding, Sierra Club hike leader, self defense, martial arts, and rape prevention. He was class president for two years in high school and gave a talk to American legion Post 129, after returning from Florida Boys State. He has been on the Board of Directors of three organizations, including Christ Unity church in St. Augustine, Florida. He taught swimming to his freshman college PE class at 17.
